i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
