Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
