he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
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