so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
