Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
