I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
jump out the window naked night went bad
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