He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
