I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
