Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
