Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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