the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
