he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
