im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
