So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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