My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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