Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
