So drunk its hurt
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
