and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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