I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
