Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
