hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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