Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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