He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
