pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
