I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
