Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
