Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
