my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
