The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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