Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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