If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
