I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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