I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
