when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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