After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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