the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
