What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
This toilet bowl is my home.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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