i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
