Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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