New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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