Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
