i already hear my dad disowning me
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
