Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
be right there i have to get my cape
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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