either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
