Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just invented taco cereal.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
