Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
