Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
