grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
