I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
