Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
where are my pants?
in the oven.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
