I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
