im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
