just come out here and I will go home with you...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
