I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
