If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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