there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
